Well, it looks like we survived another year in spite of ourselves. We managed to get through the “war on Christmas” unscathed while protecting our gag reflexes during the season of “Christian values” being jammed down our unwilling throats. Now that we’re through the godly holiday season, it’s time for one of the best hedonistic holidays - New Year’s Eve! So find your champagne, a lovely partner, and some drinking buddies; it’s time to enjoy your life - your godless, drunken, debaucherous life. Happy New Year!
Let’s face it, if you want to be a wing-nut then knowledge is a problem. You’ve got your worldview and whether you belive that the government is lying about the moon landing or that the earth is only a few thousand years old, all that pesky free/mandatory public education is a problem.
That’s why Retired Army Reserve Chaplain E. Ray Moore has founded the Exodus Mandate, an organization dedicated to liberating children from all that seditious education that is a basic civil right of all children:
“Exodus Mandate is a Christian ministry to encourage and assist Christian families to leave Pharaoh’s school system… for the Promised Land of Christian schools or home schooling.”
The “promised land” seems to include some confusing lessons about geography and government. Maybe this is a prophecy of the “change” we’re all supposed to be getting… all hail Paharoh-elect Obama!
Happy arbitrarily-decided New Year to all of you! Tomorrow, we mark the beginning of a whole new year because some asshole says so. While this doesn’t mean much for us at The Daily Profaner (except lots of drinking later tonight) it does mean one thing: cheap retrospective posts of 2008 galore! You know you want them.
For Sagan, it was not enough to know; he was driven to enlighten, driven to disseminate his knowledge. He believed in the promise that knowledge holds, the promise to liberate our species from the chains of ignorance, labor, and fear.
Christians don’t really know what “sodomy” means. At the very least, it means anal and/or oral sex with any member of the same or opposite sex. If you are Catholic, it means all non-reproductive sex, period. To make matters more confusing, scholars tell us that the biblical version of sodomy probably means something all together different. How is one to know if they are a sodomite? I have included a handy dandy checklist for the protection of your immortal soul…
It is vital that we stand in solidarity with drunks all over the world, regardless of geography or religion. If a man has sobriety thrust upon him anywhere then we are sober everywhere. While we in the West may not be able to literally stand with our brother and sister drunks in downtown Cairo, we can honor them and their struggle over a glass of scotch, a cocktail, or pint of beer.
Christmas-themed Playboy! Looks like the virgin/whore dichotomy is a thing of the past - please welcome the horrifying conjoined twin they have evolved into, who’s lifeless eyes and extensive airbrushing make her look more like a RealDoll then an actual woman.
You’ll never find The God Delusion or Letters to a Christian Nation in the Christian Inspiration section, yet you will always find anti-godless/apologetics books like The Devil’s Delusion and I Don’t Believe in Atheists on the Atheism shelf. These books have absolutly no place in the Atheism section; we should be able to go and buy our heretical books without hate leering at us from the shelves. We’re tired of it and we’re doing something about it - starting with a little creative re-stocking.
The organizers insisted that no men could sit in the first three rows of the audience, and asked the men already seated there to relocate. Feminism - especially Anarcha-Feminism - is not about disempowering men, but rather about exploring how power relationships are the root of all oppression (including patriarchy). What could be more ass-backwards than starting off such a workshop with an unequal power distribution?
King Abdullah insists on a gigantic minaret that is more than 820m high. He has decreed that it is blasphemy for Dubai to have the highest tower in the world; after all Mecca is the center of Islam and the center of Islam needs the biggest fattest cock tower on Earth.
Given recent findings that show racism is just as alive in the virtual world as it is in reality, it’s not totally surprising that a group such as Islam, which has suffered a serious bout of unpopularity due to the actions of some of its more extreme members, might find it beneficial to have their own versions of certain social networks.
Scientologists do not want you to know the details of the secret space opera involving their God - science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard - who, as I write this, is apparently off fighting the evil alien lord Xenu. Also, that is not even a joke, check out the Scientology page on Wikipedia…
The Declaration represents the Human Rights concerns of the western world in the post war/early cold war era. It was a time when the untidy people were forced into the shadows, a time when women were trapped in the home, and a time when LGBTQ people were shuttered in the closet. It was a time when racism was accepted, a time when segregation weighed on the American South, and a time when the rampant oppression of women in the Muslim world never crossed the minds of the powerful straight European men who wrote the Declaration.
Now you all need to get off the damn computer and go have yourselves a good time; remember - we godless folks don’t get a heaven, so we need to make sure we get all of our joy and pleasure while we are still doing that whole living thing. Happy New Year from The Daily Profaner!
The Christian anti-choice group American Life League has won in it’s Stop Planned Parenthood campaign, they’ve gotten Planned Parenthood to close the last of it’s clinics in the Texas Panhandle. Planned Parenthood is the nations single largest women’s health provider and the nations leading provider of free reproductive health services. The group has campaigned for over a decade to close the region’s PP clinics, mainly by attacking their funding. They have announced that as of Dec 31st the last two PP clinics in the Texas panhandle will close.
The groups leader, Jim Sedlak, promises that if your city is “determined” then you too can rid it of women’s and sexual health so that your community can get all kinds of pregnant and std ridden the way Jesus intended.
Jesus’ favorite oompa loompa released a new video last week in which he tried to deal with the scandal caused by his cornucopia of gay-rights hating, misogynistic, and just plain crazy views. Of course in Saddlebackland there isn’t a controversy; it’s just the media creating conflict because that’s what they do. After all, if Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly didn’t have a reason to piss on each other all the time they might finally admit that they really are in love. Of course, since there actually is a controversy, Warren tried to address it.
For starters, Pastor Rick is really butthurt that some right wing lunatic accused him of “sticking a fork in the head of every aborted baby” because he’s palling around with Barack ‘abortion-Hitler’ Obama. Clearly this is another media lie. At the inauguration they won’t be forking feti; the unborn will be skewered and roasted, this favorite dish of liberals is called a ka-baby.
He also thought it was important to tell us that the media never really gets it all right and warns us that “if you believe everything you read or hear or see there’s a word for that: foolish.” This is deliciously ironic from a man who opens his favorite book every day and believes everything he reads in it.
I probably only feel that way because I’m suffering from what Warren calls “christophobia”. Apparently I only object to people like him stripping the civil rights of others and laughing all the way to the inauguration because I am “afraid of any Christian”. It’s odd, this “christophobia” thing; it didn’t seem to pop up when I voted for born-again Barack, yet it seems to scream in my ear when I see Evangelical bigots…
The FAITH Foundation’s shelter is now as homeless as the people it helps. Following a dispute with their host church, the First Reformed Church of Hackensack, the foundation must search for a new location to host it’s homeless shelter.
The dispute centered around the shelter’s Christmas Dinner; before the dinner church officials demanded that there be a sermon and carols before anyone was fed. The shelter’s director, Robin Reilly, said fuck it and started feeding people before the sermon because most of them hadn’t eaten for 24 hours.
In retribution for feeding the homeless without getting their Jesus’ worth out of them, the church threw the Faith Foundation’s shelter out on it’s ass. Hey Jesus is the reason for the season, all this giving crap isn’t what Christmas is all about - It’s about JESUS not feeding hobos.
Mad props to you Robin! Lots of luck finding a new place to host your shelter, I hope it isn’t too hard to find one that isn’t going to try to starve the god into people.
Joining the military is a scary thing; people yell at you, shave off all your beautiful hair and take you away from everything familiar. What better time to hear the good news - especially if the good news is dolled up to look like it’s an official part of your training?
For years groups have targeted new recruits at Military Entrance Processing Stations. Gideon’s International gives recruits bibles that mimic the look of military publications in order to fool recruits into thinking that the bible is endorsed by the military. Another group, In Pursuit!, declares it’s workers to be “biblical chaplains” and sends them out dressed in fatigues to speak to new recruits - no doubt in the hope that recruits won’t yet be able to tell that they aren’t real officers.
NO MORE! The pentagon is putting new regulations in place to stop Evangelists from deceiving recruits and playing dress up.
In New Jersey, a church has been sued because it would not rent out its fabulous beach front property for a gay wedding same-sex civil union service. While private property is private property, running a business is a different matter. The investigation found the church had violated the public accommodation provisions of the state’s Law Against Discrimination. Gay win!
The court also found that that the organization had gained a Green Acres tax exemption from the state Department of Environmental Protection nearly 20 years ago after a finding that the locale will be open to the public “on an equal basis.”
Now the church knows that “equal basis” means gaygaygaygaygay all over your beach, with nude swimming and romantic wedding night buttsecks under the stars.
‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’ could easily be the mantra of ex-sex worker Annie Lobért, who continues to style herself in the call girl fashion - complete with bleached hair and neon pink lipstick - so that other call girls are able to better relate with her while she tells them the good news about Jesus Christ.
Annie Lobért is the founder of Hookers for Jesus, a “nondenominational, faith-based organization reaching out to men and women (adults, teens, and children) who are currently associated with or working as prostitutes, porn stars, pimps, and exotic dancers in order to help them transition successfully out of the sex industry.”
Annie and her team proselytize old school JC style, going to the areas most frequented by sinners (read: Vegas). In January, Lobért and her team will hit the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas (expected to draw 40,000 attendees) to save the souls of the womenz who haz the sex for the moniez.
The American Family Association(AFA) is not content to just deprive LGBTQ Americans of their civil rights - they want to starve them out. When Campbell’s soup ran an ad in The Advocate for Swanson broth, the AFA was there to stop the gays from getting at the soups. It’s a slippery slope; if the gays can have soup then they can get apple pie! We can’t let them impose their secular gay fascism on America by letting them have the most American of all pies! The line MUST be drawn somewhere and the AFA is drawing it at soup (and civil rights).
Campbell’s is standing by it’s ad because it loves LGBTQ people and all of their gay monies - the most important part of the rainbow is green.
Happy arbitrarily-decided New Year to all of you! Tomorrow, we mark the beginning of a whole new year because some asshole says so. While this doesn’t mean much for us at The Daily Profaner (except lots of drinking later tonight) it does mean one thing: cheap retrospective posts of 2008 galore! You know you want them.
The Christian anti-choice group American Life League has won in it’s Stop Planned Parenthood campaign, they’ve gotten Planned Parenthood to close the last of it’s clinics in the Texas Panhandle. Planned Parenthood is the nations single largest women’s health provider and the nations leading provider of free reproductive health services. The group has campaigned for over a decade to close the region’s PP clinics, mainly by attacking their funding. They have announced that as of Dec 31st the last two PP clinics in the Texas panhandle will close.
Jesus’ favorite oompa loompa released a 
The FAITH Foundation’s shelter is now as homeless as the people it helps. Following a dispute with their host church, the First Reformed Church of Hackensack, the foundation must search for a new location to host it’s homeless shelter.
Joining the military is a scary thing; people yell at you, shave off all your beautiful hair and take you away from everything familiar. What better time to hear the good news - especially if the good news is dolled up to look like it’s an official part of your training?
The American Family Association(AFA) is not content to just deprive LGBTQ Americans of their civil rights - they want to starve them out. When Campbell’s soup ran an ad in