The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

In the 21st century the presidential campaigns start the night after election day (or before if you’re Sarah Palin).  The Republican primary is no exception and it’s already heating up.  A new poll shows this season’s front runners to be Sarah “God will show me the way to the White House” Palin and Baptist Minister Mike “amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards” Huckabee.  If you were expecting a new more moderate Republican party you’re going to be disappointed.  34% are ready to pull the lever for Huckabee and 32% for Palin, coming in in third place is everyone’s favorite Mormon; Mitt Romney with 28%.  The honorable mention goes to Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal.  Jindal, young and relatively unknown, is an Indian-American-Super Catholic who is into faith healing and exorcism.

At this rate the run to the right phase of the primary will become absurd.  With so much religious conservatism on display it’s anyone’s guess what insane stunts and positions these candidates will have to pull off to adequately court the religious right.  Here are our predictions:

• Sarah Palin will speak in tongues.  Having been raised a Pentecostal she already has experience with speaking in tongues.  Bonus, speaking in tongues will make more sense than her Katie Couric interview.
• Mike Huckabee will release an original gospel album.  Huckabee is the only musician in the lot, he’s got this media to himself.  Bonus, he can fund his campaign on proceeds of album sales to church groups.
• Mitt Romney will convert to a religion that most Christian conservatives don’t hate.  He can out born again them all by abandoning Mormonism.  Bonus, he’ll undoubtedly look more comfortable when he doesn’t have to wear magic Mormon underwear.

Have fun and get ready for The Daily Profaner’s 2012 faith based initiative - Religious themed debate drinking games.

[CNN Political Ticker]