The Daily Profaner » Sodomy: It’s More Than Just Buttsecks, A Guide.

December 5, 2008

Sodomy: It’s More Than Just Buttsecks, A Guide.

This just in: apparently buttsecks offends baby Jesus, especially when it is two dude who are doin’ it. In case we forgot this, The Sandown Free Presbyterian Church in Belfast, Ireland decided to remind us with a full page ad in the Belfast Newsletter telling us so:

The ad states that homosexuality is an “abomination” and warns of “God’s judgment upon a sin.” It also says that it is “a cause for regret that a section of the community desire[s] to be known for a perverted form of sexuality.”

They timed this ad to come out right around when all the pesky local gays congregate for some giant festival of rainbows and buttsecks, also known as the “Gay Pride Parade”. The gays did not like this ad at all and now the newspaper says it will not run it again. Gay win!

The funny thing about this? Christians don’t really know what “sodomy” means. At the very least, it means anal and/or oral sex with any member of the same or opposite sex. If you are Catholic, it means all non-reproductive sex, period. To make matters more confusing, scholars tell us that the biblical version of sodomy probably means something all together different. How is one to know if they are a sodomite? I have included a handy dandy checklist for the protection of your immortal soul:

If you answer “yes” to any of these, you are probably a filthy godless sodomite:

I have had anal sex with a member of the same sex.
I have had anal sex with a member of the opposite sex.
I have had oral sex with a member of the same sex.
I have had oral sex with a member of the opposite sex.
I have had sex in the “doggie style” position.
I have had sex in any position other than good ol’ man on top missionary.
I have used any form of birth control, including condoms.
I have had sex without intent to impregnate.
I have masturbated.

So um…okay you guys, this is looking pretty grim. If you are a Catholic, you can eat a communion Jeezit and probably be okay. As for the rest of you - see you in Satanic buttsecks Hell.

[Christian Post] [The Daily Dish] [The New Republic] [Dictionary] [Legal Dictionary]

Jacquie O'Godless @ 10:11 pm
Tags: Christian, GAY WIN, secular gay fascism

11 Comments »

Does it count as sodomy (or even as sex at all) to have your butt violated with a giant strap-on dildo?

Comment by Kate6 — December 6, 2008 @ 7:07 pm
It counts as all kinds of sodomy! You’re going to hell

Comment by KeinHimmel — December 6, 2008 @ 7:40 pm
I am? *pouts*

Will there be giant strap-on dildos there? *looks hopeful*

Comment by Kate6 — December 6, 2008 @ 11:37 pm
One can only hope!

Comment by Jacquie O'Godless — December 7, 2008 @ 9:34 pm
[...] Here’s a sample from one of their best posts (They’re all fantasmical though.): Sodomy: It’s More Than Just Buttsecks, A Guide. [...]

Pingback by I Get Email… And Sometimes It’s Not Death Threats « Homosecular Gaytheist (and friends!) — December 8, 2008 @ 7:58 pm
[...] Interesting perspective, and a way to find out just how much of a Sodomite you are (not if, but how much). Check it out. [...]

Pingback by MY LIFE » Blog Archive » You are a Sodomite! — December 10, 2008 @ 6:24 am
[...] PostsThe Daily Profaner is Tak…Atheists Attack Nativity …Sodomy: It’s More Than Ju…Catholic University Hates…Rick Warren to Be Obama’s… Search [...]

Pingback by The Daily Profaner » Rick Warren’s Kinky Marital Submission Fetish — December 22, 2008 @ 4:39 am
[...] PostsAtheists Attack Nativity …Sodomy: It’s More Than Ju…The Daily Profaner is Tak…Catholic University Hates…Rick Warren to Be Obama’s… Search [...]

Pingback by The Daily Profaner » Der Popenator Hates Gender Theory, Declares It Will Destroy Humanity — December 23, 2008 @ 4:04 am
Eight out of nine… not bad.

Comment by Melody — December 24, 2008 @ 12:47 pm
[...] PostsAnarchy - Now With 150% M…Sodomy: It’s More Than Ju…The Daily Profaner is Tak…Atheists Attack Nativity …Creep Dennis Prager Has S… Search [...]

Pingback by The Daily Profaner » A Daily Profaner Retrospective: Top Posts of 2008 — December 31, 2008 @ 4:55 am
[...] PostsAnarchy - Now With 150% M…Sodomy: It’s More Than Ju…Atheists Attack Nativity …The Daily Profaner is Tak…Creep Dennis Prager Has S… Search [...]

Pingback by The Daily Profaner » A Daily Profaner Retrospective: Top Posts of 2008 — December 31, 2008 @ 5:09 am