The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

Barack Obama’s finally spoken out on why he is letting bigot/pastor Rick Warren on stage with him. Obama sidestepped the niceties  and jumped straight into an explanation of “uh”. He tried to dodge his obligation to stand up for civil rights with an honest explanation worthy of Bill Clinton. Luckily, The Daily Profaner is providing you with an annotated version of his statement so you can get the full message. Get the statement + the truth after the jump.

“Well uh let me start by talking about my own views, I think that it is no secret that I am a fierce advocate for equality for gay and lesbian Americans. Uh, it is something that I have been consistent on uh and something that I intend to continue to be consistent uh on during my presidency.”

I’m f*cking hardcore about gay rights - except for that marriage equality/civil rights thing. I totally believe that marriage is a man and a woman because the bible told me so. I’m totally fierce about it too, that’s why I am inviting Warren on stage; when it comes to gay marriage we’re in fierce agreement.

“What I have also said is that it is important for America to come together even though we may have disagreements on certain social issues.”

It’s important for evangelicals to come together with me so I can be the bestest president ever during the recession. Let’s face it, their are more right wing christian bigots than gay people. So we’ll just forget “certain social issues” like equality. Sorry if my coming together with Warren pushes your rights out the door.

“Uh, and I would note that, uh, a couple of years ago I was invited to Rick Warren’s church to speak, uh, despite his awareness that I held views that were entirely contrary to his when it came to uh gay and lesbian rights,”

Uh, except that I totally agree with Rick Warren that marriage is between a man and a woman, so uh I don’t really disagree with Warren on the issue of the day. But hey, I support legal buttsecks, so chill out, go have some buttsecks.

“Uh, nevertheless, I had an opportunity to speak and that dialog, uh,  I think is part  of what my campaigns has been all about. We’re not going to agree on every single issue but what we have to do is create an atmosphere where we can disagree without being disagreeable.”

Talking is, uh, important, I talked to you during the election about gay rights, remember. My wife wrote an article in the Advocate and talking means, uh, allot.  I didn’t actually go to bat for your civil rights despite all my talking so why would you expect me to do anything if I talk to Rick Warren? So can we all be “agreeable” and stop working on the whole rights thing? I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FAG-MARRIAGE, so SHUT UP! I’m going to go woo the homophobe and you get to like it. Inclusive win!

“That’s what America’s about, that’s uh part of uh the magic of this country is that we are uh diverse and noisy and opinionated.”

Uh, but this diversity thing means no hardcore LGBTQ rights speakers or racists. I’m only willing to embrace diversity when it only annoys a small group, like the LGBTQ community. I included you gays, stop whining, you get to be in the parade, putting on a show. You guys are fabulous, you’ll love it. Now shut up, stay off the stage, go hope, and leave me alone.

Go get your hope on peoples!

[Wonkette]

If you want to demand a bigot-free Inaguration you can contact the President Elect’s Transition here.