The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

You know how some atheists are always saying they know the bible better than all those wacky Christians who actually believe in it? Well, there is a great opportunity for those special atheists (who happen to be 7 to 18 years of age) to totally show off their bible knowledge - the Bible Bee.

The Bible Bee promises “to build godly character in young people by calling them back to the lost discipline of Scripture memorization.” As such, it is the perfect place to let everyone know that you don’t have to believe in god to memorize worthless crap by rote. If you win you’ll not only show up the Jesus freaks with your superior bibleing, but you can totally take the time to mention that god doesn’t exist when you collect your prize.  That prize, by the way, is part of $260,000 in prizes that you can claim. It is your moral duty to win that money; if you don’t then some Christian winner will pour half of it into gay hate and then you’ll feel bad.

I’d enter, but I’m way to old to join. Besides, I don’t read the bible - I have much better taste in fiction.

[Townhall.com] [The Bible Bee]

Our artist's conception of Hitchens' pube-art.

Christopher Hitchens was caught on the red carpet by freelance reporter Angela Valdez who asked him if he had been doing anything “creative” with his pubic hair since his multi-part spa and waxing experience for Vanity Fair. Hitchens responded with all the class that a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black can offer, “Oh yeah baby. Do you want to see it?”

We asked our art department (a bottle of The Glenlivet 12 year and myself) to whip up an artist’s conception of what we think Hitchy Baby has done with his bush. Enjoy, I hope it haunts your dreams.

[fishbowlDC]

While our old buddy Pete Stark is still the only, lonely, out Atheist in Congress, the LA Times reports that the Secular Coalition was able to root out 22 other godless members…who are scared shitless to be identified.

Then in fall 2006, the secular coalition embarked on a quest for the highest-ranking non-theist public official in America. It offered a $1,000 prize to whoever identified the winner.

Nearly 60 members of Congress were nominated. The coalition sent them surveys, and Kaplan said that when he interviewed the lawmakers, 22 confided that they did not believe in a god. Fearful of exposure, all but Stark told the group to keep quiet.

I think by now we have all seen the 2007 poll showing that we will see a gay president long before we will see an Atheist president, so it can be no mystery to us why these lawmakers prefer to stay closeted. How do we change this? By getting out about our godlessness - every last one of us.

You can send congressman Pete Stark a short email here to remind him he has your support and thank him for having the courage to be out.

[The OUT Campaign] [The LA Times] [US House of Representatives] [Gallup] [Secular Coalition]

It’s time for a refreshing glass of inauguration scandal lite - now with less Rick Warren; it’s less filling and better for you! Everyone’s favorite lawsuit atheist, Michael Newdow, is leading a whole gaggle of organizations and individuals in a lawsuit calling for the inaugural prayers and the phrase “so help me god” to be deep sixed from the inauguration.

Nedow filed a virtually identical lawsuit in 2005 that was kicked the hell out of the courts. The problem is that the inauguration is a privately-funded event, not a branch of the government that can violate the establishment clause. Also, “so help me god” isn’t part of the legal oath, it’s just a tradition - one you aren’t obliged to follow, at all.

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We’ve received a warm welcome to the godless blogosphere, and none more welcoming than Reed Braden, the Homosecular Gaytheist:

“In fact, it puts my shitty blogthing to shame!  They even have a real URL and everything!  With all the snarkiness of Wonkette, another one of my favourite blogs, and all the glam of a Liberace/Elton John/ Boy George threeway, The Daily Profaner is like nothing else I’ve ever seen.  And by that, I mean gayer than anything I’ve ever seen.  And by that, I mean really, really gay…  In the best of possible ways.”

Since he plugged our asses so hard, we are totally obliged to give Reed one hell of a reach around.  When Jacquie and I saw the title Homosecular Gaytheist we fell in love - not your namby pamby “I love kittens love”, but a loin-splitting, heart-rending love that feels like getting struck in nuts with Thor’s hammer.  READ HIS BLOG.

We’ve also gotten a great welcome from Hemant Mehta, the Friendly Atheist. He was kind enough to add us to his blogroll and has covered two of our posts so far.  Hemant is a great guy and runs one of the best godless blogs out there.  We’re also glad someone’s being the Friendly Atheist because we’re dicks.

Check both of them out! If you don’t, you’re missing some great blogging.

[Homosecular Gaytheist] [Friendly Atheist]