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January 22, 2009
 Happy abortion holocaust day everyone! On this day a bazillion years ago women grew tired of dying for no reason and demanded complete legal control over their vajayjays. Some old white guys decided that this was cool with them, and the supreme court decision on Roe v. Wade was born (unlike so many feti since).
This court case is all that stands between Jesus and your womb, so don’t forget to celebrate and appreciate this most historic date. Here is a handy dandy list of ways you can celebrate Roe v. Wade:
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January 21, 2009
 Robert Bork is out predicting that a “terrible conflict” is going to empower the sodomite beast and its legions of secular gay fascists to sacrifice the beating heart of Catholicism on a Pagan altar of equality. Bork believes that the new protections - which will protect LGBTQ Americans against violence and discrimination and allow women the freedom to exercise their reproductive rights - will throw down with Jesus. “We are going to see in the near future a terrible conflict between claimed rights of homosexuals and religious freedom.” Which sounds pretty cool, I hope the pink pistols show up.
After that, he rants about how nobody calls god anymore so he is getting lonely and that we’re a society that is “now going down a path towards kind of a happy-go-lucky nihilism.” So everybody - all together now - lock your arms, skip down the street and sing along; ‘god is dead, use your head, have some fun while in your bed, cause no god’s watching to judge your acts, so stay out of church and just relax’!
[CNA]
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January 19, 2009
 Yesterday marked the 25th anniversary of creepy pro-life holiday, on which a million pro-life Christians celebrate back ally coat hanger abortions as the divine will of god. This made up holiday was invented by famous American douchebag Ronald Regan just to remind us - in case we forgot for a minute- what a total and utter tool he was.
While Sanctity of Human Life Day might have lit up the sky with the explosions of 1000 Planned Parenthood clinics across the nation, we will have a chance to respond this Thursday, on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. We baby-eating atheist liberals will celebrate this glorious day by purposefully getting pregnant so we can all get abortions together - just for funzies! Your Daily Profaner staff will make their own contribution by passing out delicious fetus cookies at our local fake clinic.
[Heartbeat International] [The Christian Post] [Planned Parenthood]
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January 10, 2009
Some nutty Catholic blog is butthurt about a post we ran last week about a pro-life group’s big lying sign and blogged their own post claiming “American holocaust deniers mock pro-lifers“, which is totally half true; we do love to mock pro-lifers. Just to make sure everybody’s clear on this one - HITLER KILLED HIM A FUCKTON OF JEWS (and other peeps too.) Though something tells me that is not the holocaust they were talking about.; they were probably talking about the sodomite beast’s never-ending feast of a million feti.
These people were good enough to bestow upon our humble website the official title of “pro-death website”. Yes, we love death so much at The Daily Profaner that sometimes we like to suck the fetus straight out of the womb because fresh feti taste like deviled eggs.
[Holy Innocents, Long Beach]
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January 2, 2009
 The anti-choice group Walk for Life West Coast just bought a big-ass billboard displaying it’s slogan “abortion hurts women” right off the Bay Bridge in San Francisco. They feel the message is important because, you know, nothing hurts women more than reproductive self determination and the freedom to choose in a safe, legal and healthy manner.
The billboard also has a hot-line number on it where women can go and get lied to about abortion. I’m going to have a few drinks and give em a call, after all if they’re talking to my drunk ass they won’t be lying to women in need. If you want to call them to ask about your circumstances…at length, the number is 866-482-5433. Don’t call them and take up all their operators time so that they can’t spread their lies, that would be amazing wrong, so very wrong.
[ChristianNewsWire]
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December 31, 2008
 The Christian anti-choice group American Life League has won in it’s Stop Planned Parenthood campaign, they’ve gotten Planned Parenthood to close the last of it’s clinics in the Texas Panhandle. Planned Parenthood is the nations single largest women’s health provider and the nations leading provider of free reproductive health services. The group has campaigned for over a decade to close the region’s PP clinics, mainly by attacking their funding. They have announced that as of Dec 31st the last two PP clinics in the Texas panhandle will close.
The groups leader, Jim Sedlak, promises that if your city is “determined” then you too can rid it of women’s and sexual health so that your community can get all kinds of pregnant and std ridden the way Jesus intended.
[One News Now]
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December 30, 2008
 Jesus’ favorite oompa loompa released a new video last week in which he tried to deal with the scandal caused by his cornucopia of gay-rights hating, misogynistic, and just plain crazy views. Of course in Saddlebackland there isn’t a controversy; it’s just the media creating conflict because that’s what they do. After all, if Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly didn’t have a reason to piss on each other all the time they might finally admit that they really are in love. Of course, since there actually is a controversy, Warren tried to address it.
For starters, Pastor Rick is really butthurt that some right wing lunatic accused him of “sticking a fork in the head of every aborted baby” because he’s palling around with Barack ‘abortion-Hitler’ Obama. Clearly this is another media lie. At the inauguration they won’t be forking feti; the unborn will be skewered and roasted, this favorite dish of liberals is called a ka-baby.
He also thought it was important to tell us that the media never really gets it all right and warns us that “if you believe everything you read or hear or see there’s a word for that: foolish.” This is deliciously ironic from a man who opens his favorite book every day and believes everything he reads in it.
I probably only feel that way because I’m suffering from what Warren calls “christophobia”. Apparently I only object to people like him stripping the civil rights of others and laughing all the way to the inauguration because I am “afraid of any Christian”. It’s odd, this “christophobia” thing; it didn’t seem to pop up when I voted for born-again Barack, yet it seems to scream in my ear when I see Evangelical bigots…
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December 22, 2008
 Last Tuesday Chris Altarkation and I attended the last show on Amanda Palmer’s Who Killed Amanda? tour. Not a lot of people know who Amanda Palmer is, but I think anyone who makes a music video in which they act out getting a date-rape abortion and then dedicates it to Sarah Palin is deserving of lots and lots of fame.
The entire live show was amazing, and included a reading preformed by religious skeptic Neil Gaiman, but the stand-out moment was when Amanda Palmer was joined on stage by “Katy Perry” lip-synching her hit “I Kissed A Girl”, only to be promptly and thoroughly violated by Amanda Palmer, Margaret Cho, and a bright blue dildo. A mock marriage was then preformed between Amanda and “Katy”, a banner behind them reading “Fuck Prop 8″.
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December 19, 2008
 Alot of people are confused about the outrage surrounding Rick Warren these days; he has always seemed a bit more moderate that his peers, after all. These confused people want to know why LGBTQ Americans and their civil-rights-minded allies are so mad about Warren’s place in Obama’s inauguration. I mean this is Rick ‘fights AIDS’ Warren, this is the man who wrote that not terribly scary book The Purpose Driven Life, what could be so wrong with him?
In short, he’s a misogynistic bigot - albeit a bigot who has been very slick at defining himself publicly by his soft-sell manner rather than his hard line beliefs. The problem people have is that once you crack Warren’s affable and philanthropic shell, you find his gooey bubbling core of Evangelical bigotry.
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December 5, 2008
 I’ve seen a number of different holiday giving guides pop up around the blogosphere and there was something lacking, SAFE SEX. If you end up on a bunch of insane Christian blogs like I do you’ll quickly learn the only thing they hate more than gay people loving each other is abortion. Naturally, to their mind Planned Parenthood is as good as the militant wing of the Church of Satan. They’re beside themselves with rage because Planned Parenthood of Indiana is offering gift certificates for the holiday season. If you’ve got a nutty pro-life Christian on your gift list, and you think the fetus cookie cutter isn’t for them, send them a Planned Parenthood gift certificate. Even if they’re not in Indiana to use it, the look on their face when they open their present will be a priceless moment you can treasure for ever.
[Christian Broadcasting Network, LifeNews, Fox News, EVERY Right Wing Religious Blog Ever]
You can purchase Planned Parenthood gift certificates here. They can be redeemed for health services at any Planned Parenthood of Indiana location.
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