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January 20, 2009
 Obama went to do his private praying this morning before he went to the inauguration and gang raped the separation of church and state with Rick Warren. While there, mega-church pastor T.D. Jakes took the time to ensure that our nation stays strong by injecting his son’s science fiction geekery instead of scripture (which is a vast improvement):
“I say to you as my son who is here today, my 14-year-old son – he probably would not quote scripture. He probably would use Star Trek instead, and so I say, ‘May the force be with you.”
Soon we can replace all the scary religions (like Christianity) that gum up the gears in Washington with fake and harmless religions like Jedi. Then we can all snicker when some greasy Star Wars fanboy in an Obi-Wan costume gives the invocation and talks like Yoda. If you think about it Rick Warren is only really about a robe away from this as it is. Huzzah for progress!
[CNN]
PS: I know he got Star Wars and Star Trek mixed up if you folks care and want to have a geek fight in the comments be my guest. I’m going to go watch Stargate, which is way better because they destroy religions and kill “gods”.
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January 19, 2009
 The nation is filling with that new president smell and a billion hopetards are swarming into Washington to celebrate the dawning anti-christ Obama apocalypse. It’s time for every media outlet ever to run an Obama story about how he’s realized King’s dream and will heal the country (but not it’s syphilis). Instead of fighting over who gets to give the new President the best media hand-job the Daily Profaner has made a special list for you - a list of three reasons Barack Obama is no friend of the godless:
(more…)
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January 9, 2009
 American Jesus hero Fred “god hates fags” Phelps will be giving one of those invocationish things at Barack Obama’s Inauguration. Naturally, Phelps prayer/protest will be a million times better than whatever Rick Warren says when he isn’t busy giving the gay inauguration parade doughnuts.
Phelps’ prophetic wisdom allows him to see that Barack ”the beast” Obama is leading American down an astroglide-slicked path into the buttsecksey ass of armageddon:
“Our God brought him to this hour and gave him that delusion. Read that till it sinks in. GOD DID THIS. Antichrist Obama is a work of God! It is for this very cause that God raised him up and directed all his steps and fitted him for the final battle. Call it the FINAL God Smack. It is that God Smack that will melt this world in a fervent heat.”
If you’re one of the lucky people who are going to be in DC January 20th sharing a handful of andy gumps with a billion hopetards, you can find Phelps in a corner of John Marshal Memorial Park on the north side of Pennsylvania Avenue. You should really go see Phelps instead of Obama. Seriously, what is Obama going to say? “Blah blah - hope - unity - change - hope.” You’ve heard it before, the only thing worthwhile thing he can say at this point is that David Plouffe will stop emailing me.
[pinknews] [Westboro Baptist Church Blogs]
PS: If you’re reading this Plouffe, I’m serious - it’s over. I know we fooled around a little, I “voulenteered” and “donated” but I never really loved you. It’s time you moved on and left my inbox alone.
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January 8, 2009
 Michael Newdow’s fun party lawsuit that invited every atheist ever along to sue to demand a secular inauguration ceremony for Barack Obama will be getting a hearing in front of a person in a big black dress. The U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia will hear the case on Jan. 15th.
This means you will have five whole days on the edge of your seat while the case is thrown out, there isn’t enough time to appeal it, and nothing happens. On the day of the inauguration you can get all your crying out when Rick Warren gives his bigot-o-rific invocation so you don’t embarrass yourself weeping when Obama gives his speech.
[Friendly Atheist]
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January 6, 2009
 The Christian Anti Defamation Commission has unveiled it’s Top Ten Christian-Bashing Events of 2008! Gary Cass, the group’s Chairman and CEO declares:
“It is time for the Christian bashing to stop and for Christians to no longer be treated like second-class citizens”
The number one event that is bashing Christians and turning them into “second-class citizens” - Gays demanding to be treated like equal citizens.
(more…)
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December 30, 2008
 Jesus’ favorite oompa loompa released a new video last week in which he tried to deal with the scandal caused by his cornucopia of gay-rights hating, misogynistic, and just plain crazy views. Of course in Saddlebackland there isn’t a controversy; it’s just the media creating conflict because that’s what they do. After all, if Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly didn’t have a reason to piss on each other all the time they might finally admit that they really are in love. Of course, since there actually is a controversy, Warren tried to address it.
For starters, Pastor Rick is really butthurt that some right wing lunatic accused him of “sticking a fork in the head of every aborted baby” because he’s palling around with Barack ‘abortion-Hitler’ Obama. Clearly this is another media lie. At the inauguration they won’t be forking feti; the unborn will be skewered and roasted, this favorite dish of liberals is called a ka-baby.
He also thought it was important to tell us that the media never really gets it all right and warns us that “if you believe everything you read or hear or see there’s a word for that: foolish.” This is deliciously ironic from a man who opens his favorite book every day and believes everything he reads in it.
I probably only feel that way because I’m suffering from what Warren calls “christophobia”. Apparently I only object to people like him stripping the civil rights of others and laughing all the way to the inauguration because I am “afraid of any Christian”. It’s odd, this “christophobia” thing; it didn’t seem to pop up when I voted for born-again Barack, yet it seems to scream in my ear when I see Evangelical bigots…
(more…)
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December 29, 2008
 It’s time for a refreshing glass of inauguration scandal lite - now with less Rick Warren; it’s less filling and better for you! Everyone’s favorite lawsuit atheist, Michael Newdow, is leading a whole gaggle of organizations and individuals in a lawsuit calling for the inaugural prayers and the phrase “so help me god” to be deep sixed from the inauguration.
Nedow filed a virtually identical lawsuit in 2005 that was kicked the hell out of the courts. The problem is that the inauguration is a privately-funded event, not a branch of the government that can violate the establishment clause. Also, “so help me god” isn’t part of the legal oath, it’s just a tradition - one you aren’t obliged to follow, at all.
(more…)
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 You know how Rick Warren loves Africa? Well one of his favorite African peeps is Anglican Archbishop Peter Akinola of Nigeria. Akinola’s claim to fame is being one of the leading homophobes in the Anglican Community; he’s done everything from threatening to leave the church to sponsoring legislation in Nigeria that would strip LGBTQ persons of just about every civil right - not just marriage. Rick Warren’s take:
“I believe he, like Mandela, is a man of peace and his leadership is a model for Christians around the world.”
He’s just like Mandela - except for his burning hatred of civil rights. Learn more about Warren’s “model for Christians” after the break. Hint: this ‘model christian’ has nothing to do with that tolerance stuff we keep hearing about.
(more…)
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December 22, 2008
 Part of Rick Warren’s Evangelical Empire is pastors.com - a website designed to provide support to pastors who choose to embrace Warren’s special blend of Christianity. On the site pastors can network with one another, download a whole years worth of Warren’s sermons, and sign up for Rick Warren’s Ministry Toolbox, which is Rick Warren’s newsletter for pastors. Toolbox offers a regular injection of Rick Warren’s advice on how to “grow healthier churches” and answers questions like “How much does Jesus love those with AIDS?” (”This much!”) and “Why Does God Allow Evil?” (?).
Attracting our special attention today is a little missive by Beth Moore that Warren loved so much that he sent it out to help other Pastors to “grow healthier churches”. The message? “Wives, submit to your husbands.”
(more…)
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December 19, 2008
 Obama’s new prayer buddy Rick Warren is sounding off on people demanding that Obama kick his bigoted ass out of the inauguration ceremony:
“I commend President-elect Obama for his courage to willingly take enormous heat from his base by inviting someone like me, with whom he doesn’t agree on every issue, to offer the Invocation at his historic Inaugural ceremony.”
Don’t be hatin’, Obama’s got some serious balls - balls he is using to teabag the LGBTQ equality movement.
[The Dallas Morning News]
If you want to demand a bigot-free inauguration you can contact the President Elect here.
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