The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

In Quebec, Students are required to attend a comparative religions course called “Ethics and Religious Culture”. The course teaches students about different religions and examines how they affect the culture and people who follow them. 

Naturally, Quebecois Christians are just about insane with rage that their children are learning about other cultures without being told that other cultures are full of silly hell-bound sodomites:

“Paganism and cults are offered equal status with Christianity. Witches ‘are women like any other in daily life;’… And considering that of the 80,000 ethnic aboriginals in Quebec only 700 self-identify with aboriginal spirituality (the vast majority of ethnic aboriginals are Christian), aboriginal spirituality (falsely equated with environmentalism) is accorded hugely disproportionate space and reverence.”

Oh NO! They’re teaching students about…other cultures - and not condemning them! Next thing you know they’ll teach these kids that they’re going to be OK if Jesus doesn’t love them. Where does the madness stop?

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American Jesus-Hero Fred “god hates fags” Phelps is tired of going on “love crusades” exclusively in America; he wants to spread his redeeming message of god’s omnipresent hatred to every corner of the world. It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey in Kansas; which makes Phelps’ Topeka based church the perfect training ground for an evangelical incursion into Canada.

Phelps was unable to penetrate Canada’s tricky southern frontier last week, but don’t be dismayed - his righteous message will set the hearts of Canada ablaze yet!  A cadre of six christ-commandos, led by Phelps, will once again throw themselves like martyrs on the savage mercies of the Canadian mounties.  Their goal: a high school theater production of The Laramie Project. They will bring the “good news” to Uxbridge, a town outside Toronto, with signs saying “God Hates Canada,” “Fear God” and “Hell is real, ask Matt.”

Since the town is too small to have any hotels, Phelps plans on seeking out a manger for shelter.

[Globe and Mail]

The godless satanists of the University of Alberta are attempting to have a phrase that venerates god removed from the school’s convocation ceremony.  Traditionally the graduates are called upon to use all that fancy learning “for the glory of God”.  The University of Alberta Atheists and Agnostics group feels this is oxymoronic, noting that learning and god don’t really get along.  They have petitioned the committee in charge of the convocation to change the speech. The committee proposed this compromise:

“…for the uplifting of the whole people; to inspire the human spirit; for all who believe, to serve your God; and to pursue more steadfastly whatsoever things are true.”

The pinko-liberal-heathen-bastards are not satisfied that any reference to god was made in the compromise.  No doubt these little communists will not be pleased until the convocation demands that all graduates use their degrees for the greater glory of Karl Marx.

[United Press International]