The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

Gee, aren’t some of those Evangelical Christians so pushy with all their proselytizing? Hey, you know what would make it even worse? If they were burning their message into your fucking arm:

Last December she [Jenifer Dennis] and her husband Steve accused a popular 8th-grade science teacher, John Freshwater, of using an electrostatic device known as a Tesla coil to brand a cross into Zachary’s arm [see image above]. They say the burn, which in photos show an 8-by-4-inch mark on his forearm, raised blisters, kept their son awake that night, and lasted for several weeks.

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Two Identical anti-evolution bills in the Michigan legislature died in committee last Friday. The bills were part of a new creationist campaign calling for “academic freedom”, which means that that schools would have had to allow for ‘debate’ when they’re teaching controversial subjects. The purpose of this is to cast doubt in students’ minds about the overwhelming evidence in support of evolution and climate change. Similar bills have already died in Alabama, Florida, Michigan, Missouri and South Carolina. These bills all die because teaching facts and science is what most people call “academic freedom”. 

Soon all the children of Michigan will be taught that they are godless monkeys and PE classes will be replaced with feces throwing hour -SECULAR WIN!

[National Center for Science Education]

Those of you out there who thought George W. Bush didn’t learn anything in the last 8 years need to check out his newest and bestest ever interview because he is catching up to the 19th Century!  Bush, who was no fan of the whole evolution thing, has started singing a different song - one that sounds a little more like reality:

“I think evolution can - you’re getting me way out of my lane here. I’m just a simple president. But it’s, I think that God created the earth, created the world; I think the creation of the world is so mysterious it requires something as large as an almighty and I don’t think it’s incompatible with the scientific proof that there is evolution.”

I guess that’s change he can believe in.

It’s time to take the tired old Bush bashing horse out back and gently blow it’s brains out. I’m going to take a break now and go find something actually interesting to write about.  Good bye George W. Bush and enjoy your retirement - we will.

[The Guardian]

The U.S. Air Force, like Tom Cruise, doesn’t like Psychology and is desperately seeking a new method to keep it’s Airmen from committing suicide when being in the Air Force makes them want to die.  After studying the world’s two most authoritative texts on suicide, The Bible and Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life, Air Force chaplin Capt. Christian Biscotti has unveiled a new program in a PowerPoint; “A New Approach To Suicide Prevention: Developing Purpose-Driven Airmen” which is required viewing at the largest U.S. Airbase in England.  This exciting new program will give sad Airmen the hot god injection they desperately need to live.

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The end times have begun!  The Cincinnati Zoo has abandoned god’s love by sacking it’s program to bundle tickets to the Zoo with tickets to the Creation Museum.  Clearly this is the work of the Antichrist!  What’s next?  No doubt secular gay fascists will take over the country with their “civil rights” and “equal protection”!  If that happens god will send down his holy wrath, we’ll be punished, LIKE SWEDEN!

SECULAR WIN!!!
[Pharyngula]

CreationWiki may pretend to be all about the book of Genesis but their logo betrays them!  In their logo they have a picture of the globe surrounded by a stargate from the Stargate TV/Movie franchise.  In Stargate there are no gods, rather there are evil aliens who pretend to be gods to get people to be their slaves.

We’re on to you CreationWiki!  Your scheme to have evil alien faux-gods take over our planet will fail!  No doubt the people who believe that they’re really Jedi will fight you to the last man.

[CreationWiki]