The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

Those funky Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) signs sure have an impact on some people; a few individuals seem so struck that they want a sign of their very own - at least that’s why we assume they keep stealing them. The FFRF’s sign in Springfield is the second sign to suffer ‘8th commandment murder’ at the hands of an anonymous individual. The sign was stolen from the Illinois Capitol building sometime between 9:45 pm Monday and 7:00 am Tuesday, as reported by the custodial crew. The Capitol Police (who guard the Capitol 24 hours a day) oddly enough, saw nothing.  The theft is being treated as a criminal matter; the thief will face a criminal charge if they are found.

As always, the Freedom From Religion Foundation will replace the sign, probably held down by more tape this time, and add in a note quoting the 8th commandment of “thou shalt not steal”. The real question has to do with this “thou shalt not steal” sign- how dare the FFRF put up a blatantly religious display?

[The State Journal-Register]

Chuck Norris is mad. Not normal roundhouse kick some stereotyped Arab terrorist guy while jerking off into an American flag in an 80’s action movie mad - he’s the sort of sad and confused mad that you can only get when the things you believe don’t make sense when you put them together. Norris is trying to speak out on the spate of new Atheist advertising that are making their way round the world. While he says he believes in free speech he desperately wants someone to shut them down:

“Please don’t misunderstand me. I am a patriot, and I believe that atheists are free to believe, speak and post whatever they want. This is America – and that’s their First Amendment right. But, to do so with harassment and hatred under the guise of free speech is despicable. An anti-religious poster filled with spite is in no way equated with a religious symbol like a nativity. Where are the politically correct police when Christians are the victims?”

Well Chuck, if you’re a patriot and love the free speech, we’re all cool then, right? Ha! To Norris, free speech is only cool when you want to hear it - if it isn’t, you try to passive-aggressively bait other people into silencing it. Besides it’s not like they’re exactly victims here; they pushed the state to allow a religious display in the capitol. In order to make that situation tenable, the state couldn’t discriminate between holiday displays. When they put the Creche in the capitol they made their manger, now they have to lie in it.

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One of the darker secrets of The Daily Profaner is our secret cadre of clandestine operatives who are sent out on dangerous missions to keep you informed.  Our Washington operative - codenamed Marguerite Duras - has risked her life to infiltrate the battle lines of the war on Christmas and bring you pictures from inside the Washington State Capitol in Olympia.  These pictures aren’t for the faint of heart; the war on Christmas is a bloody one. If you’re brave enough, hit the jump and check out the full gallery.

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Last Sunday about 500 Christians gathered outside the Washington State Capitol to protest the Freedom from Religion Foundation’s atheistical “Winter Solstice” sign.  Joining them was none other than Bill O’Reilly - in balloon form.   Balloon O’Reilly was part of the nativity scene display, and while in it the inflatable O’Reilly proved to have just as much trouble as the flesh-and-blood O’Reilly when it came to keeping his hands off the womenz.  Balloon O’Reilly was seen punching a balloon effigy of Washington Gov. Christine Gregoire in the kisser. 

The Christian balloon artist responsible for Balloon O’Reilly demurred when asked how Jesus would feel about the violent display, saying, “That’s spiritually. He’s knocking the sense of God into her.”  Don’t worry baby, he doesn’t mean it, he loves you, it’s just his way.

[PolitickerWA]

A Draper, Utah free speech zone

The righteous population of latter day saints in Draper Utah are taking a stand against secular gay fascists mucking up their quiet lives and reminding good Mormons that hate isn’t ok while they go to pray at their yes on prop 8 campaign centers temples.

To counter all this free and unrestricted public assembly and discourse the town is proposing an ordinance that will protect the temple goers from the free liberal society that is infecting the holy land of Utah.  It will create “free speech zones” where you can engage in democratic dialog.  Outside of the “free speech zones” will be a Mormo-fascist zone where you can’t speak freely but you can get a $750 fine.

[Salt Lake Tribune]

The Freedom From Religion Foundation has sued the City of Rancho Cucamonga over it’s involvement in the removal of their “Imagine No Religion” billboard.  The complaint states:

“The bedrock principle underlying the scope of the free speech protection of the First Amendment is that government officials may not interfere with the expression of an idea simply because some persons allegedly consider the idea offensive or disagreeable to their views.”

Where the hell did these pinkos get this idea, Karl Marx?  It’s not like we have that kind of culture eroding hippie-heathen trash in our laws.  Just ask Chuck Norris, the free speech thing is… umm… protecting your freedom to speak to… Jesus… yeah that’s it!

[Freedom From Religion Foundation]

The Atheist Foundation of Australia was interested in following the example of the British Humanist Association and the American Humanist Assosication who have atheistic bus ads on busses in London and Washington DC.  When they tried to buy the bus ads the company that controls bus ads in Australia, as well as much of the billboards, refused to sell ads to them.  These are the horrifying hate statements they wanted to terrify the pious kangaroos, wallabies, and koalas with:

• Atheism: Because there is no credible evidence
• Celebrate reason: Sleep in on Sunday mornings
• Atheism: Celebrate reason

As you can clearly see these people are dangerous.  Credible evidence?  Reason?  SLEEPING IN?  If people slept in on Sunday morning they might not be hung over from Saturday night.  If they’re not hung over on Sunday they might enjoy their day and be happier at work on Monday.  What happens Monday night?!  It’s a slippery slope that leads to the downfall of civilization.  Australia, we salute you for silencing this dangerous voice of joy and reason.

[The Friendly Atheist]

The United Nations adopted a draft resolution for it’s upcoming Durban II conference that attempts to ban “defamation of religion.  The resolution calls on all nations to make laws that criminalize what they call “defamation of religion”.  The measure was backed by a coalition of Islamic nations lead by Saudi Arabia as well as Belarus and Venezuela.

Hilel Neuer of UN Watch, a Geneva based human rights organization, said:

“These resolutions legitimize the criminalization of free speech in countries like Sudan, Egypt, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia.”

Moreover this will silence human rights activists the world over.  There are may societies, like that of Saudi Arabia, that oppress their people in heinous ways based on their religious convictions.  In Saudi Arabia, based on Islamic law, a woman who reports a rape can be stoned to death for adultery.  The UN just passed a resolution that would make saying that such a law is wrong a crime.  To protect theocracies against harsh words they’re trying to silence the freedom of speech and conscience of the entire world.

[Europe News]

The Freedom From Religion Foundation’s “Imagine No Religion” billboard in Rancho Cucamonga was taken down at the request of the City.

According to City Redevelopment Director Linda Daniels the city received 90 complaints.  Citizens were worried about the sign negatively impacting children, it is well known that encouraging children to imagine anything is extremely dangerous.

[San Jose Mercury News]