The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

The nation is filling with that new president smell and a billion hopetards are swarming into Washington to celebrate the dawning anti-christ Obama apocalypse. It’s time for every media outlet ever to run an Obama story about how he’s realized King’s dream and will heal the country (but not it’s syphilis). Instead of fighting over who gets to give the new President the best media hand-job the Daily Profaner has made a special list for you - a list of three reasons Barack Obama is no friend of the godless:

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The school choir at Arthur Bugler County Junior School in Stanford-le-Hope, Essex was not allowed to sing at a local Winter Festival because their carols were deemed too religious and did not match the inclusive theme of the Winter (read: not Christmas) Festival. Now people are all pissed off and ranting about the ’secular war on Christmas’ (which we totally won this time):

Chairman of the Prayer Book Society Prudence Dailey has hit out at the organizers of ‘winter festivals’ up and down the country, saying their political correctness threatens Christmas.

‘These “politically correct winter festivals” seek to make Christmas part of a “multi-faith” mix and hark back to pagan winter solstice observance.’

Um, you caught us? Oh no - not tolerance and inclusiveness, you monsters!

Instead Irish children entertained the crowd by dancing and eating potatoes, only to later be consumed themselves by the startving people of their homeland.

[Daily Mail Online]

In case you’ve been hiding under a rock - the U.S. auto industry is about to collapse, and they want your money to fix their mess.  Well don’t worry; some fine, god-fearing people in Detroit are taking this one to a higher power and are pleading/praying for “God’s Bailout”.  Pentecostal Bishop Charles Ellis brought not one, not two, but THREE shiny new, white SUVs onto the altar with him last Sunday to plead with the lord for a divine economic rescue package.  During the sermon, the congregation (many of whom work in the auto industry) went up to the altar to be anointed with motor oil.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but we need prayer,” Ellis said, but Ellis apparently puts his faith in something greater than prayer: political lobbying.  Ellis and 11 other interfaith leaders from Detroit have launched a lobbying campaign intended to pressure congress to pass an bailout package for America’s struggling car industry.  Ellis is planning on taking the campaign national, saying, “Some of us have larger, national denominations and we can contact those members of Congress who are straddling the fence… We can use our constituents in those communities to influence those people.”  What happened to ‘god’s bailout’?  Is Jesus not picking up his prayer-phone again?  Well, we here at The Daily Profaner have found a way to still have “god’s bailout” even without a god.  Our bailout package: put an American car on every altar.

[New York Times] [The Christian Post]

The United Nations adopted a draft resolution for it’s upcoming Durban II conference that attempts to ban “defamation of religion.  The resolution calls on all nations to make laws that criminalize what they call “defamation of religion”.  The measure was backed by a coalition of Islamic nations lead by Saudi Arabia as well as Belarus and Venezuela.

Hilel Neuer of UN Watch, a Geneva based human rights organization, said:

“These resolutions legitimize the criminalization of free speech in countries like Sudan, Egypt, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia.”

Moreover this will silence human rights activists the world over.  There are may societies, like that of Saudi Arabia, that oppress their people in heinous ways based on their religious convictions.  In Saudi Arabia, based on Islamic law, a woman who reports a rape can be stoned to death for adultery.  The UN just passed a resolution that would make saying that such a law is wrong a crime.  To protect theocracies against harsh words they’re trying to silence the freedom of speech and conscience of the entire world.

[Europe News]

The Popenator is not satisfied with the current interfaith dialogue between Muslims and Catholics.  On Sunday he declared that:

“a true dialogue is not possible without putting one’s faith in parentheses.”

Der Popenator also called for:

“a public forum the cultural consequences of basic religious decisions.”

Since Catholicism like all religions calls for obedience to their strict moral code in their eyes all decisions are religious decisions.  I took German 101 so I can translate this out of Popenator and into English;  he can’t agree with Muslims about the whole Jesus/Mohammad thing but he can agree with them about things like destroying your right to choose and annihilating civil rights for LGBTQ people.  Isn’t it wonderful that despite their differences religions can find common ground?