Chad Hardy is a Man on a Mission and he won’t let anything stand in his way - even the Mormon church. Despite having been excommunicated from the Mormon church for his 2008 Men on a Mission calendar - which features 12 months of LDS missionary beefcake - he’s back with a brand new Men on a Mission calender for 2009. This year’s calendar promises “12 reasons to believe in god” and delivers the world’s finest in Salt Lake City hausfrau masturbation material.
In the 21st century the presidential campaigns start the night after election day (or before if you’re Sarah Palin). The Republican primary is no exception and it’s already heating up. A new poll shows this season’s front runners to be Sarah “God will show me the way to the White House” Palin and Baptist Minister Mike “amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards” Huckabee. If you were expecting a new more moderate Republican party you’re going to be disappointed. 34% are ready to pull the lever for Huckabee and 32% for Palin, coming in in third place is everyone’s favorite Mormon; Mitt Romney with 28%. The honorable mention goes to Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal. Jindal, young and relatively unknown, is an Indian-American-Super Catholic who is into faith healing and exorcism.
Jacquie O’Godless and I wandered into Borders after eating delicious sushi and spotted a Twilight display offering “gifts for the vampire admirer.” We thought something was missing. We’ve done a fewposts on Twilight so we put our thinking caps on a realized what was missing; MORMONISM. Not wanting to leave Borders shoppers ill-informed, we ran to the religion section and grabbed a copy of Mormonism for Dummies and shopdropped it in the display. We wanted some books of Mormon but there weren’t any, seriously, who pays for those?
Have you been living under a rock for the past six months, but now after hearing all this talk about some chirst-loving/fag-hating measure called “proposition 8″ passing want to know what the heck happened? Don’t worry - The Daily Profaner has you covered! In a mere three minutes, this thrilling musical number featuring funny people Jack Black and Margaret Cho will have you caught up on all the latest in Mormon-backed political initiative - and the response of secular gay fascists. The performance even includes a fairy-tale ending reached by an appeal to Mormon greed: the solemn promise that all queers will save our economy by getting gay-married to each other, immediately, if only Mormons will let us. This ending can never actually happen, because Mormons hate happiness and matching lavender suits even more than they hate poverty.
Look where the Mormons are spending their money. Now that they’re done funding the civil rights destroying “Yes on Prop. 8″ campaign here in CA, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is buying ads on About.com’s Agnosticism/Atheism page. Epic fail guys. Seriously though, keep it coming, Atheists love your ad money.
The righteous population of latter day saints in Draper Utah are taking a stand against secular gay fascists mucking up their quiet lives and reminding good Mormons that hate isn’t ok while they go to pray at their yes on prop 8 campaign centers temples.
To counter all this free and unrestricted public assembly and discourse the town is proposing an ordinance that will protect the temple goers from the free liberal society that is infecting the holy land of Utah. It will create “free speech zones” where you can engage in democratic dialog. Outside of the “free speech zones” will be a Mormo-fascist zone where you can’t speak freely but you can get a $750 fine.
It is widely known that many Christians don’t consider Mormons to be real Christians because Mormon-Indian-Jesus is a bit different from normal died on the cross Jesus. Apparently this feud extends even to vampire movies. In WORLD Magazine, which promises “today’s news, Christian views” they blast Twilight for young girls’ “unhealthy obsession” with the books and film.
The reviewer, Megan Basham, is not satisfied with the old-vampire and dopey-teen being abstinent; apparently they can’t have any fun at all:
“Christian readers have heaped praise on the Twilight series because its main characters maintain sexual abstinence. Never mind that, like most modern vampire stories, Twilight substitutes blood-drinking for sex. Therefore, to commend its young lovers for abstaining from intercourse is akin to commending a chocoholic for abstaining from brussels sprouts.”
Clearly this is a serious danger. Tweens all over are no doubt being inspired RIGHT NOW to engage in dangerous, sort of slightly erotic blood drinking. She goes on to complain that the happy couple’s relationship is nothing more than “scowling and lust.” Remember that it’s blood-lust because they don’t have the sex, he EATS HER instead.
So, it seems that the author of these Twilight books that every tween girl is currently wetting herself over is a creepy Mormon who wears funny underwear but likes to walk on the wild side by drinking cherry Pepsi. This explains why those books/movies suck so much - MORMONISM. When the sexiest part of a gratituitous vampire romance novel is some constrained dryhumping then ur doin it wrong.
Fact- Mormons donate 10% of their income to the mormon church. Don’t give the big creepy homophobe Mormons any more of your money to fuel their fag-hating agenda. Instead, I will recommend five alternative vampire movies that won’t suck, and will offend Mormons - you dirty liberal fag-lovers.
At the behest of secular gay fascists California’s Fair Political Practices Commission is looking into the Mormon Churches donations to and actions surrounding the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign.
According to the complaint issued by Californians Against Hate the LDS failed to accurately report monies used to support everything from websites to direct mail to a speaker’s bureau. If the Mormon church is betrayed by the San Francisco values of California’s heathen government it may be fined thirty pieces of silver.
Bonus! If you don’t like the idea of political churches being tax exempt while spreading hate and stealing your civil rights stop by mormonsstoleourrights.com and sign their petition.
Chad Hardy creator of www.mormonsexposed.com and its “Men on a Mission” calender featuring hard-bodied Mormon missionaries has been excommunicated from the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. After having brought so much joyful masturbation to the people and donating a portion of the proceeds to charity the church had no choice but to throw the man out of the LDS.
Look where the Mormons are spending their money. Now that they’re done funding the civil rights destroying “Yes on Prop. 8″ campaign here in CA, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is buying ads on About.com’s Agnosticism/Atheism page. Epic fail guys. Seriously though, keep it coming, Atheists love your ad money.
It is widely known that many Christians don’t consider Mormons to be real Christians because Mormon-Indian-Jesus is 
Chad Hardy creator of 