The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

Being a bigot is hard when you live in California; all those uppity, liberal-minded, civil-rights-loving hippies just love to heckle you to death over your hate-beliefs. Worse yet, if you donate money to a political cause, they have this Marxist transparency thing where your donation is a matter of public record. The libtards say it is about protecting us from pay to play politics, but good Christians know it’s all about OPPRESSING CHRISTIANS!

That’s why a pair of groups that supported California’s Proposition 8 (in case you’d forgotten, that’s the one that stripped LGBTQ Californians of their marriage rights) are suing in order to have all yes on 8 campaign finance records removed from public view. That way we can keep our society’s bigotry out of sight, were it belongs, so it can be the unchallenged disease that eats away at our society - sort of like prostate cancer!

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Mike Huckabee - BFF of Chuck Norris - went on The Daily Show the other day to promote his new book and to be easy prey for a debate of total pwnage. The two men spent the entire second half of the segment discussing gay marriage, with Stewart schooling Huckabee on history and religion with a relentlessness that gave me a total clit-boner. See Stewart at work for yourself:

[Huffington Post] [Amazon] [Youtube]

A recent election survey done on California’s infamous Prop. 8 by the Public Policy Institute of California (PPIC) shows a shockingly unexpected fact: evangelical and born-again Christians overwhelmingly voted in support of the obviously unconstitutional ban on gay marriage.  The support was not limited to these denominations though, as Catholics and Protestants put their differences aside in order to join hands in that most cherished of Christian traditions, oppressing others.

On the flip side, 79% of those who stated they had no religion voted against the ban, but as my esteemed colleague Mr. Altarkation has so aptly stated before, the remaining 21% of these non-religious folk help to serve as a reminder that it doesn’t take religion for someone to be a complete fucking ass-hat.

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Have you been living under a rock for the past six months, but now after hearing all this talk about some chirst-loving/fag-hating measure called “proposition 8″ passing want to know what the heck happened? Don’t worry - The Daily Profaner has you covered! In a mere three minutes, this thrilling musical number featuring funny people Jack Black and Margaret Cho will have you caught up on all the latest in Mormon-backed political initiative - and the response of secular gay fascists. The performance even includes a fairy-tale ending reached by an appeal to Mormon greed: the solemn promise that all queers will save our economy by getting gay-married to each other, immediately, if only Mormons will let us. This ending can never actually happen, because Mormons hate happiness and matching lavender suits even more than they hate poverty.



[Funny or Die]
[Proud Parenting]