The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

Robert Bork is out predicting that a “terrible conflict” is going to empower the sodomite beast and its legions of secular gay fascists to sacrifice the beating heart of Catholicism on a Pagan altar of equality. Bork believes that the new protections - which will protect LGBTQ Americans against violence and discrimination and allow women the freedom to exercise their reproductive rights - will throw down with Jesus. “We are going to see in the near future a terrible conflict between claimed rights of homosexuals and religious freedom.” Which sounds pretty cool, I hope the pink pistols show up.

After that, he rants about how nobody calls god anymore so he is getting lonely and that we’re a society that is “now going down a path towards kind of a happy-go-lucky nihilism.” So everybody - all together now - lock your arms, skip down the street and sing along; ‘god is dead, use your head, have some fun while in your bed, cause no god’s watching to judge your acts, so stay out of church and just relax’!

[CNA]

Being a bigot is hard when you live in California; all those uppity, liberal-minded, civil-rights-loving hippies just love to heckle you to death over your hate-beliefs. Worse yet, if you donate money to a political cause, they have this Marxist transparency thing where your donation is a matter of public record. The libtards say it is about protecting us from pay to play politics, but good Christians know it’s all about OPPRESSING CHRISTIANS!

That’s why a pair of groups that supported California’s Proposition 8 (in case you’d forgotten, that’s the one that stripped LGBTQ Californians of their marriage rights) are suing in order to have all yes on 8 campaign finance records removed from public view. That way we can keep our society’s bigotry out of sight, were it belongs, so it can be the unchallenged disease that eats away at our society - sort of like prostate cancer!

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In the latest news on the religious right’s war on the LGBTQ community, Florida Senator Nan Rich sees no reason Adam and Steve can’t be great adoptive parents and has introduced two bills that, if passed, will repeal the state’s ban on gay adoption.

One would allow gays to adopt; the other would leave it to judges to determine where to place children where both parents are dead.

Now, the second bill? Not such a great idea; you can have homophobia in a judge just as easily as you can have it in a law. Why do we so constantly ignore the wishes of children in reguards to their self-determination? Do these children, even while minors, not have some say over their fates? If two qualified sets of relatives step forward to care for an orphaned child, should the decision not then fall to that child?

Oddly enough, I bet pretty much any kid would rather go live with a nice, gay adoptive family than be homeless - but hey, that’s why we have to make these laws; children need protecting from their own wishes after all.

[Lez Get Real]

The First Congregational United Church of Ashland, Oregon is taking a stand against the homophobic machine. Okay, they’re not really abandoning the Bible - but they are refusing to participate in the hetero-normative system of marriage until LGBTQ couples have equal marriage rights. Rev. Pam Sheppard says:

“I’ve been for civil rights for gay and lesbian people for a long, long time, but I never thought, ’I’m helping the discrimination every time I sign a license.’… Every time I sign a license, it’s like I’m saying, ’OK,’ but it’s not OK.”

No, it’s not ok. Boycotting marriage is a great way to take a stand against homophobia, and since you’re not getting married you can actually enjoy your life.

[Stopping The Hate]

The Christian Anti Defamation Commission has unveiled it’s Top Ten Christian-Bashing Events of 2008! Gary Cass, the group’s Chairman and CEO declares:

“It is time for the Christian bashing to stop and for Christians to no longer be treated like second-class citizens”

The number one event that is bashing Christians and turning them into “second-class citizens” - Gays demanding to be treated like equal citizens.

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The Arizona State BAR requires that all new licensed attorneys to swear that they won’t ”permit considerations of gender, race, age, nationality, disability or social standing to influence my duty”. They are now proposing to add sexual orientation to that list in order to appease the sodomite beast ensure that they only license lawyers that can check their bigotry at the door and do their damn jobs.

Homophobic bigots are not amused. Matthew Staver, head of the Evangelical legal ministry “Liberty Counsel”, declares that denying Christians the right to discriminate against minorities might force them “to be excluded from their profession because of their religious beliefs.”

Anti-discrimination is the law, sorry about that, we dig the equality up in this hizzy. Besides it’s not like you can impose your religon onto others by claiming an exemption to DOING YOUR JOB. When is the last time you saw an Imam demanding that he can be a bartender and not serve drinks?  If you don’t like practicing law in that legally mandated non-discriminatory way - don’t be a lawyer.

Better yet, go to law school and load up on college loans learning about all those liberal equal rights laws you hate so much. When you get out of college with your fancy law degree and can’t get licensed because you’re a bigot, you can get a job as a substitute school teacher. Our education system would collapse if we didn’t have gin-soaked lunatics in the classroom leering at jail-bait cheerleaders when their teacher takes the day off.

[WorldNetDaily]

While most of the nation watched with baited breath as the poll numbers for prop 8 were counted, most missed the other electoral atrocities being committed in Arkansas not only against GLBTQ citizens, but children, unmarried individuals, and anyone living outside of the hetero-normative society. On November 4th 2008, Arkansas took away the right of anyone living with a partner outside of a heterosexual marriage to adopt a child. Notice that if you are a married heterosexual couple you can adopt children even if you are minors yourselves.

This. Is. Monstrous. In their quest to oppress the gay community, the religious right have willingly put foster children - the most helpless members of our society - directly in harm’s way. As of 2006, only 81% of adoptive families in Arkansas were married couples. In one fell swoop Arkansas has eliminated potentially up to 19% of their adoptive families. This means that potentially 19% of these children who would have had homes will now be left to struggle through the brutal foster care system.

So who supported, pushed, and enabled this vile and unconstitutional measure?

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Jesus’ favorite oompa loompa released a new video last week in which he tried to deal with the scandal caused by his cornucopia of gay-rights hating, misogynistic, and just plain crazy views. Of course in Saddlebackland there isn’t a controversy; it’s just the media creating conflict because that’s what they do. After all, if Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly didn’t have a reason to piss on each other all the time they might finally admit that they really are in love. Of course, since there actually is a controversy, Warren tried to address it.

For starters, Pastor Rick is really butthurt that some right wing lunatic accused him of “sticking a fork in the head of every aborted baby” because he’s palling around with Barack ‘abortion-Hitler’ Obama. Clearly this is another media lie. At the inauguration they won’t be forking feti; the unborn will be skewered and roasted, this favorite dish of liberals is called a ka-baby.

He also thought it was important to tell us that the media never really gets it all right and warns us that “if you believe everything you read or hear or see there’s a word for that: foolish.” This is deliciously ironic from a man who opens his favorite book every day and believes everything he reads in it.

I probably only feel that way because I’m suffering from what Warren calls “christophobia”. Apparently I only object to people like him stripping the civil rights of others and laughing all the way to the inauguration because I am “afraid of any Christian”. It’s odd, this “christophobia” thing; it didn’t seem to pop up when I voted for born-again Barack, yet it seems to scream in my ear when I see Evangelical bigots…

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In New Jersey, a church has been sued because it would not rent out its fabulous beach front property for a gay wedding same-sex civil union service. While private property is private property, running a business is a different matter. The investigation found the church had violated the public accommodation provisions of the state’s Law Against Discrimination. Gay win!

The court also found that that the organization had gained a Green Acres tax exemption from the state Department of Environmental Protection nearly 20 years ago after a finding that the locale will be open to the public “on an equal basis.”

Now the church knows that “equal basis” means gaygaygaygaygay all over your beach, with nude swimming and romantic wedding night buttsecks under the stars.

[Lezgetreal]

The American Family Association(AFA) is not content to just deprive LGBTQ Americans of their civil rights - they want to starve them out. When Campbell’s soup ran an ad in The Advocate for Swanson broth, the AFA was there to stop the gays from getting at the soups. It’s a slippery slope; if the gays can have soup then they can get apple pie! We can’t let them impose their secular gay fascism on America by letting them have the most American of all pies! The line MUST be drawn somewhere and the AFA is drawing it at soup (and civil rights).

Campbell’s is standing by it’s ad because it loves LGBTQ people and all of their gay monies - the most important part of the rainbow is green.

[Dispatches From the Culture Wars] [The Advocate]