The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, myths Last!

December 30, 2008

Secular Win! Pentagon Enacts New Rules To Stop Deceitful Proselytizing

Joining the military is a scary thing; people yell at you, shave off all your beautiful hair and take you away from everything familiar. What better time to hear the good news - especially if the good news is dolled up to look like it’s an official part of your training?

For years groups have targeted new recruits at Military Entrance Processing Stations. Gideon’s International gives recruits bibles that mimic the look of military publications in order to fool recruits into thinking that the bible is endorsed by the military. Another group, In Pursuit!, declares it’s workers to be “biblical chaplains” and sends them out dressed in fatigues to speak to new recruits - no doubt in the hope that recruits won’t yet be able to tell that they aren’t real officers.

NO MORE! The pentagon is putting new regulations in place to stop Evangelists from deceiving recruits and playing dress up.

(more…)

December 22, 2008

Michigan Anti-Evolution Bills Get Eaten by Survival of the Fittest

Two Identical anti-evolution bills in the Michigan legislature died in committee last Friday. The bills were part of a new creationist campaign calling for “academic freedom”, which means that that schools would have had to allow for ‘debate’ when they’re teaching controversial subjects. The purpose of this is to cast doubt in students’ minds about the overwhelming evidence in support of evolution and climate change. Similar bills have already died in Alabama, Florida, Michigan, Missouri and South Carolina. These bills all die because teaching facts and science is what most people call “academic freedom”. 

Soon all the children of Michigan will be taught that they are godless monkeys and PE classes will be replaced with feces throwing hour -SECULAR WIN!

[National Center for Science Education]

Chris Altarkation @ 7:53 am
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December 11, 2008

Choir’s Religious Songs Exclude Them From Inter-Faith Circle Jerk Festival

The school choir at Arthur Bugler County Junior School in Stanford-le-Hope, Essex was not allowed to sing at a local Winter Festival because their carols were deemed too religious and did not match the inclusive theme of the Winter (read: not Christmas) Festival. Now people are all pissed off and ranting about the ’secular war on Christmas’ (which we totally won this time):

Chairman of the Prayer Book Society Prudence Dailey has hit out at the organizers of ‘winter festivals’ up and down the country, saying their political correctness threatens Christmas.

‘These “politically correct winter festivals” seek to make Christmas part of a “multi-faith” mix and hark back to pagan winter solstice observance.’

Um, you caught us? Oh no - not tolerance and inclusiveness, you monsters!

Instead Irish children entertained the crowd by dancing and eating potatoes, only to later be consumed themselves by the startving people of their homeland.

[Daily Mail Online]

December 3, 2008

Cincinnati Zoo Embraces 19th Century Science, Rejects Creation Museum

The end times have begun!  The Cincinnati Zoo has abandoned god’s love by sacking it’s program to bundle tickets to the Zoo with tickets to the Creation Museum.  Clearly this is the work of the Antichrist!  What’s next?  No doubt secular gay fascists will take over the country with their “civil rights” and “equal protection”!  If that happens god will send down his holy wrath, we’ll be punished, LIKE SWEDEN!

SECULAR WIN!!!
[Pharyngula]

Chris Altarkation @ 6:05 am
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