The Daily Profaner: Putting Snark First, Myths Last!

The American Family Association is calling for a boycott of Pepsi because Pepsico has donated a butt-ton of money to LGBTQ/civil-rights groups like the Human Rights Campaign and the AFA want them to stop. After all, if rednecks can’t swill sodee-pop in good, Christian conscience where will our nation’s diabetes epidemic recruit from? As a greater sin, Pepsico promotes “workplace equality” and forces employees to attend satanic rituals called “sexual orientation and gender-identity diversity training”.

If you don’t want to put your health at risk drinking the diabetes-baiting elixir that is Pepsi, you can still get your LGBTQ-friendly commerce on. We’ve put together a list of some of Pepsico’s other products that you can consume to engorge your gay-loving, godless conscience without padding your waistline. Get the list after the jump.

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American Jesus hero Fred “god hates fags” Phelps will be giving one of those invocationish things at Barack Obama’s Inauguration. Naturally, Phelps prayer/protest will be a million times better than whatever Rick Warren says when he isn’t busy giving the gay inauguration parade doughnuts.

Phelps’ prophetic wisdom allows him to see that Barack ”the beast” Obama is leading American down an astroglide-slicked path into the buttsecksey ass of armageddon:

“Our God brought him to this hour and gave him that delusion.  Read that till it sinks in.  GOD DID THIS.  Antichrist Obama is a work of God!  It is for this very cause that God raised him up and directed all his steps and fitted him for the final battle.  Call it the FINAL God Smack.  It is that God Smack that will melt this world in a fervent heat.”

If you’re one of the lucky people who are going to be in DC January 20th sharing a handful of andy gumps with a billion hopetards, you can find Phelps in a corner of John Marshal Memorial Park on the north side of Pennsylvania Avenue. You should really go see Phelps instead of Obama. Seriously, what is Obama going to say? “Blah blah - hope - unity - change - hope.” You’ve heard it before, the only thing worthwhile thing he can say at this point is that David Plouffe will stop emailing me.

[pinknews] [Westboro Baptist Church Blogs]

PS: If you’re reading this Plouffe, I’m serious - it’s over. I know we fooled around a little, I “voulenteered” and “donated” but I never really loved you. It’s time you moved on and left my inbox alone.

The Arizona State BAR requires that all new licensed attorneys to swear that they won’t ”permit considerations of gender, race, age, nationality, disability or social standing to influence my duty”. They are now proposing to add sexual orientation to that list in order to appease the sodomite beast ensure that they only license lawyers that can check their bigotry at the door and do their damn jobs.

Homophobic bigots are not amused. Matthew Staver, head of the Evangelical legal ministry “Liberty Counsel”, declares that denying Christians the right to discriminate against minorities might force them “to be excluded from their profession because of their religious beliefs.”

Anti-discrimination is the law, sorry about that, we dig the equality up in this hizzy. Besides it’s not like you can impose your religon onto others by claiming an exemption to DOING YOUR JOB. When is the last time you saw an Imam demanding that he can be a bartender and not serve drinks?  If you don’t like practicing law in that legally mandated non-discriminatory way - don’t be a lawyer.

Better yet, go to law school and load up on college loans learning about all those liberal equal rights laws you hate so much. When you get out of college with your fancy law degree and can’t get licensed because you’re a bigot, you can get a job as a substitute school teacher. Our education system would collapse if we didn’t have gin-soaked lunatics in the classroom leering at jail-bait cheerleaders when their teacher takes the day off.

[WorldNetDaily]

American Jesus hero Fred Phelps is a voice in the wilderness! Where others are too afraid to speak out against the sodomite beast’s campaign to include buttsecks in Dr. Martin Luther King’s inclusive message, Phelps is there to combat them with his message of divine intolerance:

“O, SNAP! FAGS ARE GOING TO USE MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.’S “I’VE GOT A DREAM” SPEECH TO JUSTIFY EATING FECES, “FISTING” AND “GOLDEN SHOWERS” (TO NAME THE TAMER, MILDER PERVERSIONS OF THE SODOMITE BEAST), AND HE HAS NO MORAL AUTHORITY TO STOP THEM.  “FAG WET DREAM!” INDEED!”

Clearly he is speaking in tongues, the holy spirit is vomiting through Phelps’  earthly body. It must be divine prophecy; it makes NO SENSE AT ALL.

[Westboro Baptist Church Blogs]